Outbreak: The Musical
by ResidentChevy
Summary: Eight ordinary people in a Raccoon City bar must face the invasion of something far worse than just zombies...random musical numbers! R&R And yes, you SHOULD be scared... Chapter 4 now up!
1. Bitch

**Outbreak: The Musical**

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own Resident Evil, nor do I own the song "Bitch", by Meredith Brooks_

Act I: Outbreak

Scene I: Bitch

(All the Outbreak characters are doing various things in the dining/bar area of J's Bar, aside from Yoko, who is cutting her hair in the ladies' bathroom. This is no ordinary night. Anything could happen on a night like this one. Zombies, explosions, spontaneaous song and dance? All fair game, tonight, as we will soon see...)

Will: So David, how's work treatin' ya?

David: (looks up from his glass) Some little girl lost her doll in the toilet, and I had to save it. Lucky me.

Kevin: Well, at least you saved _something_. All I did was hassle some kids for loitering. What happened to all the riots and bank robberies, man!

(Alyssa, meanwhile, is busy tick-ticking away at the keys on her laptop, trying to finish an editorial: "_Spontaneaous Song & Dance: Something We Need to Worry About?_" , when for no apparant reason, her laptop starts playing the background music to "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks.)

Kevin (Singing) : Can't get into S.T.A.R.S.

So I just spend my downtime,

Getting drunk in bars.

Jim (Singing) : Just realized my crossword puzzle book's my only friend...

(Bob falls over)

Mark (Singing) : Bawb passed out again...

(In the Ladies' Bathroom)

Yoko (Singing) : Yesterday I knew,

Who I was, but now,

Today, I have no clue...

(Back in the Bar/Dining Area)

George (Singing) : My wife just divorced me.

Will (Singing, slightly irritated) : Cindy broke another glass...

Alyssa (Singing) : (Glares at David) If you like your organs where they are, stop staring at my ass!

David: ...

Alyssa (Singing) : I'm a bitch!

Jim (Singing) : I'm a brotha!

Kevin (Singing) : I'm a cop!

David (Singing) : I'm a plumber!

Mark (Singing) : Us two work security!

George (Singing) : And I have a PhD!

Yoko (Singing) : I've been mentally scarred!

Kevin (Singing) : I can't get into S.T.A.R.S.!

All (Singing) : But we wouldn't want it any other way!

Verse 2:

Will (Singing) : Cindy's got nice eyes...

I Wonder what it'd take,

To make her spread her thighs

(Cindy gives Will an evil, angry look, and Will realizes that he said, or sang the whole thing out loud)

Will (Singing) : ... (Spots a "weird customer" as it enters the bar) Oh look a customer!

(Without hesitation, he leaps over the bar and rushes over to the zombie) Hey Bub, what brings you to my pub?

Care to drown your sorrows, or just stuff your face with grub!

(The zombie eyes Will strangely, as noone had told him, er, it that there would be a show included with dinner. After that moment of confusion, the zombie promptly begins chomping on Will's neck, as Will screams...and then sings!)

Will (Singing) : It's Undead!

And it's feeding!

And I'm hurt!

And I'm bleeding!

Pushed it out the door cuz I,

Don't really wanna die!

I'm in pain!

I need help,

But go on and save yourselves,

Because I wouldn't want it any other way!

Mark (Singing): I got Bawb!

Jim (Singing) : Blocked the door!

David: (Singing) : Found some ammo!

Cindy (Singing) : Found some more!

Kevin (Singing) : We don't have time to talk!

Alyssa (Singing) : I think I've picked the lock!

Yoko (Singing) : Time to run for your life!

George (Singing) : ...I hope they got my wife...

Yoko (Singing) : All I know is that Umbrella needs to pay...

(Door closes behind Yoko)

The Musical of Survival Horror has begun!

_**Author's Note:** My writing for this fic is at a standstill, so, yes,ideas are very, very, verywelcome. I need a second scene, unless you're happy with this as a one-shot, which I doubt you're happy at all after reading this crap, lol_

Sweetboxer


	2. Vaya Con Dios

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Resident Evil, nor do I own the song "Vaya Con Dios", by Sweetbox._

_**Author's Note:**__ Oh. My. God. I thought I'd abandoned this for good, but...yeah, here I am again.. slave to my inspiration. (sigh) I actually have some of the next few acts planned out... And you may not recognize some of the artists and songs... but meh.. I pick what works. Also, if you have an english song, and (this part is important, so listen up) an idea of how to apply it to a future part of the game that i have not reached yet in the fic, please let me know, and be prepared to send the song or lyrics to me somehow. You will get a cookie and credit in the chapter I use your song/idea in. _

_**Note to SylphStarWind:** I have nothing against The Fray either, so don't be afraid to offer (wink). Oh btw I noticed yesterday you submitted a story to Thrown In Despair. Way to go! (Goes to read it after new chapter is posted) also, i made Cindy a teensy bit evil in this chappie, but more "I'm out for survival, screw Mark's friend what's-his-name" then how she is in your story, in which she is a demon yaoi fangirl who can blow up zombies' heads with her thoughts. So I guess you could just call Cindy "kinda mean" compared to your Cindy... meh.._

_**Final Note:** I am not racist. I included Alyssa saying some nasty things to Yoko to add more depth to this chapter, hopefully making it more than just some semi-decent songfic. I don't intend to offend anyone, just trying to keep Alyssa's bitch qualities consistent. Oh and "Vaya Con Dios" means "Go With God"... Just thought you might wanna know.._

_And now, without further BS, I present Chapter 2..._

**Outbreak: The Musical  
**

Act I: Outbreak

Scene II: Vaya Con Dios(Go With God)

The group had finally reached the liquor storage room upstairs and started the forklift, no thanks to Bob. It seemed everyone was in silent agreement that he needed to be left behind, seeing as he was doing nothing but slow them down and attract more zombies to whoever was guiding him to safety. But noone expected Cindy to be the one to break the ice, let alone be so blunt about it..

Cindy: Huddle! Now!

She mouthed to George silently to lead Bob away somewhere. George led the man to a corner to rest and returned.

George: Alright, I'm sure I know what this is abou--

Cindy: We need to drop the dead weight..! What else can we do? Is Kevin gonna _carry_ his ass up the ladder?

Kevin: Hell no!

Yoko: Yeah, I agree, but how are we supposed to break it to him..?

Alyssa: Fuck that! Just leave him here with a water dish and some biscuits, he'll be fine.

Yoko glared at Alyssa.

Yoko: Okay, if the last song wasn't enough proof that you're a cold hearted bitch, that last statement certainly is.

Alyssa: What the fuck did you say, China Girl!

Yoko: ...I'm Japanese...

Alyssa: What's the difference? You all see everything in widescreen, so who gives a shit? I don't.

Yoko: That is the most ignorant, racist thing I have ever heard anyone say. Ever.

Yoko pushed Alyssa. Hard.

Alyssa: You little..!

Alyssa attempted to push her back, but as we all know, Alyssa can only tackle. and Yoko can dodge. The fighting was interrupted by George.

George: Girls, please, restrain yourselves!

David: ...I believe the question was: "How are we supposed to tell Bob?"

Cindy: Yes. Leave it to me... Just follow my lead, guys..

With that they returned to where George had placed Bob, to see he was now trying to climb the ladder, and not doing a very good job, by any means. Cindy looked up towards the cieling.

Cindy: Hey! Powers That Be! Can you give me a little music?

Sweetboxer: You got it.

Suddenly Vaya Con Dios by Sweetbox started playing from an unseen source, and filled the room, causing Bob to turn in Cindy's direction and give her a confused look.

Cindy: It's time to go, I'll try to keep this nice.

No tears, Sorry Bob, but goodbye!

David: No use in dying for a loser

We have enough problems

With the chicken and the boozer.

Cindy: Auf Wiedersehn, don't you cry!

George: Arrivederci!

Alyssa: Have a nice life!

Mark: I'm too old to waste the effort.

Jim: See you later!

Yoko: Sayonara!

All: Oooooh oooooh wooooo oooh

Cindy: Vaya con dios, vaya con dios!

All: Oooooh oooooh wooooo oooh

Cindy: Vaya con dios, vaya con dios!

Bob: You said you'd keep me safe!

Kevin: Well we lied.

What's the point in wondering why?

Jim: Just another test in life's little game show.

Yoko: In the story of my life you're just a scene in an episode..

Alyssa: No violin. Noone cries.

"Here's looking at you kid" goodbye!

Bob: You're all assholes and I hope you die.

Cindy: "Frankly, my dear I don't give a damn."

All: Oooooh oooooh wooooo oooh

Cindy: Vaya con dios, vaya con dios!

All: Oooooh oooooh wooooo oooh

Cindy: Vaya con dios, vaya con dios!

(Music break, which includes dancing, sparklers, fancy lightwork, all sorts of shit! Let your imagination run wild!)

Cindy: It's time to go, I'll try to keep this nice.

No tears, Sorry Bob, but goodbye!

David: No use in dying for a loser

We have enough problems

With the chicken and the boozer.

Cindy: Auf Wiedersehn, don't you cry!

George: Arrivederci!

Alyssa: Have a nice life!

Mark: I'm too old to waste the effort.

Jim: See you later!

Yoko: Sayonara!

They all exit via the ladder and the secret crawlspace at the end of the stack of crates, as the zombies close in on the betrayed Bob.

All: Oooooh oooooh wooooo oooh

Cindy: Vaya con dios, vaya con dios!

All: Oooooh oooooh wooooo oooh

Cindy: Vaya con dios, vaya con dios!

Bob: Fucking assholes...

Bob turned around to face an approaching zombie.

Bob: Uhh... hey..

Meanwhile...

Yoko: What's this shutter down here?

George: Yes. I can hear screaming behind it.

Cindy: Oh that? I think that leads to the room we were just in...

Mark: So we could have saved Bob?

Cindy: ...Ooops

Everyone was silent for a few seconds...

Mark: Ahh well... I was probably gonna shoot him soon anyway.. He was getting on my nerves..

Everyone had a good long laugh.

Kevin: Heh, you and me both, buddy.

Cindy: Hehe, yes I guess it would have been hard to get him to jump across to the other roof...

George: Yes, great idea Cindy. You were amazing.

Cindy: Oh, George..

Cindy put her hand on his shoulder, leaned in, and kissed him.

Meanwhile.. In the same room...

Alyssa turned to Yoko, clearing her throat.

Alyssa: Yoko?

Yoko: Yeah?

Alyssa: I just wanted to say..umm...

Yoko: Yes, Alyssa?

Alyssa grinned innocently.

Alyssa: ..that I still stand by my racial slur.

Yoko twitched, then attacked the blonde while screaming something in Japanese.

Let's Get it On by Marvin Gaye started playing and both girls snapped their heads up.

Yoko: No!

Alyssa: No fucking way!

Sweetboxer: Hehe, just kidding!

The music stopped, and everything returned to normal, well, as normal as a zombie outbreak can be, I guess. The question is, how long would that last?

To Be Continued...

_**Author's Post-Note:**__ Once again, apologies to anyone who was offended by Alyssa's Japanese slurs. (Smacks Alyssa upside the head) I hope you enjoyed it otherwise. Please give me feedback. (Puppy face)_

All your reviews are belong to me(and be greatly appreciated)

Your Resident Basket Case,

Sweetboxer


	3. Fun with Wench Throwing! Not a Typo!

_**Author's Note:**__ Huahahahah! I'm back! and this is my first update under my much cooler penname, ResidentChevy. So now, to appease you little fanfic vultures(lol), here's some more RE Outbreak silliness and this one's kind of a let down if you're looking for an actual musical element The chapter got a little long, so I'm putting the musical number in part two._

_Part Two will probably include some special guests, not telling you who, and don't complain about continuity issues. This is a comedy fic, and I reserve the right to do whatever the hell I want to get a laugh._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Resident Evil or the characters, or the song Downtown_.

**Outbreak: The Musical**

Act I: Outbreak

Scene III: Downtown

Part I

We return as the merry eight-some finishes dispatching the crows and the zombie taking up residence atop the roof, and David begins to wordlessly tackle the fence.

Alyssa: Umm, what are you doing? Just throw a wrench at it!

Kevin grabs Alyssa and tosses her at the fence with an "oof" and a clang. The fence, unbelieveably, stays put. Alyssa springs back up and charges toward Kevin, pointing a finger in his face.

Alyssa: I said WRENCH, you asshole!

David speaks as he holds Alyssa back by her jacket collar.

David: Hmph, anyway... I only have 12 wrenches. once I use them all, they're gone.

George: Forgive me for interrupting, but, can't you just pick them up off the ground after throwing them?

David: ...

David stomps over and slaps George a few times. Hard.

David: Do me a favor. Don't think. It's thinking like that that could keep us from getting a File #3.

He turned to the others and spoke in a threatening manner.

David: Anyone else having any interesting thoughts? Hm?

A long pause.

Yoko: Yeah. I think we should try throwing Alyssa again. That fence almost gave way last time...

Cindy: Yeah, I mean, it conserves ammo..

George: And manpower.

Cindy turns to George

Cindy: You're so smart.

George: You're so hot!

They proceed to make out for the second time in 10 minutes.

Kevin: Aaanyway... All for throwing Alyssa again, raise your hand.

Everyone but Alyssa, Cindy, and George raised their hands, for obvious reasons.

Alyssa: Hey HEY! You all hate me! This isn't a fair vote!

David: Welcome to America.

With that Everyone grabs Alyssa, except George and Cindy (God damn, you'd think they'd run out of steam eventually.. Oh well..) and gives her the old heave ho. Viola! The fence falls over.

Jim: Aight! Let's get steppin'!

Yoko turns to whisper to Cindy

Yoko: I hope he doesn't survive long enough for us to do a hip hop song...

Then she noticed Cindy was still tounge-locked with George. She gave Cindy a sharp elbow.

Yoko: Wrap it up, guys, we're on the move again.

Cindy turned her head, wiping her mouth.

Cindy: Tee hee! Sorry! Come on George!

She tugged him by the hand to the new pathway, where the others were apparently listening to a police warning.

Policeman: Blah blah blah, get down here soon, or we cannot gaurantee your safety, blah blah blah.

David: Shit! We better get moving!

Mark: Look! There's a door on the other roof!

George: Did that police officer just say "blah blah"?

Alyssa, ahead as always, yells back at the others from the other roof that she jumped to while the others were panicking.

Alyssa: Hurry up, lardasses!

Mark: Hey! I have a gland problem..

Alyssa rolls her eyes

Alyssa: What ever! Hurry up and jump!

Kevin: Jump? Hey, isn't that a Madonna song?

Alyssa: How would you know? Are you part of her fanclub, queeny?

David: Don't mention song titles, you idiots! The last thing we need are more cues for this author to put us through more of this musical bullshit!

Kevin: You have a poi-- Wait a minute, she just called me a fucking QUEEN!!

Kevin screamed like a madman and dove across the gap and dove at Alyssa, attempting to strangle her.

Cindy: ...We'd better help her..

Jim: Why?

Yoko: She has lockpicks. If she dies, we won't be able to open simple locks.

Jim: ...so?

Cindy: Good point. But we should get across that gap and downstairs. We do have a time limit.

Cindy points to the clock that's rapidly counting down in the corner.

George: I thought I was the only one who saw that...

Jim: Yeah, me too.

Suddenly Jim looks up and notices he's the only one standing there on the catwalk.

Jim: Oh shit!

He runs for the gap and jumps, catching the ledge with his hands, and dangles...

Jim: Uhhh... Little help, yo..?

A crow perches on the ledge right next to his left hand.

Jim: What da fuck you lookin' at?

**BACK ON THE GROUND FLOOR**

Mark kicks open the door at the end of the hall and steps back, just in case a zombie is behind it. Seeing nothing except the outside, he turns back toward the others and calls for them.

Mark: Through this door! Hurreh, I found tha way out!

They all practically plow Mark over running through the door and come face to face with an older looking cop.

Kevin: Hey, Raymond! Wassup!?

Raymond: Oh, not much, Zombies, giant bugs, and evil dogs killing and eating everyone...

Kevin: Now that you put it that way, you must be pretty bummed, huh?

Raymond: Not really. I probably would have snapped and done the same thing in a few weeks.

Kevin: ...

Raymond: I hate everything..

Kevin: Backing away slowly...

Yoko: Oh look! A door!

Kevin: That's where we're going!

Everyone bolts for the double doors.

David: What was up with that guy?

Kevin: He's a few bullets short of a full clip..

Cindy: He's gay?

Kevin: ...no. Just.. nevermind.

And they pressed on, past the door that requires a shotgun to be broken open, to that part where you have to leak the gas and set the truck and zombies on fire.

Since they didn't have a lighter, they were fucked.

So I decided to change things a little, and they dove into the whatever-it-was that was full of dirty water on the side of the area to avoid the whole damn situation!

Kevin: Why didn't I think of that?

Alyssa: Shut up and climb.

Alyssa jabbed him in the butt with her stun gun(Don't worry, it was off. She's not a complete idiot.)

As Mark dropped down on the other side of the ledge, into the tunnel, Yoko asked the question I'm sure a few of us were thinking.

Yoko: Hey, why do we have our File #2 items?

Jim: Yeah, what da fuck?

Alyssa: Who cares? Well, of course you two do; your items suck...

David chuckled a little, but stopped after he saw the glare Yoko shot him. Back at the bar's top floor, Yoko had, for all intents and purposes, wiped the floor with Alyssa. She certainly wasn't a pushover, and David didn't want to end up killing the girl, should she get carried away.

David: Hmph.. sorry.

Alyssa: Pfft! Pussy..

Kevin: A litle early to be thinking about your next meal, isn't it?

Alyssa: What did you say!

Kevin: This tunnel should take us to a ladder, and the ladder should surface in Downtown Raccoo--

He was cut off when Alyssa tackled him to the ground

Alyssa: You wanna say that again!

Kevin: Get offa me you crazy bitch!

Jim: Wait! You hear dat?

Yoko: What?

Everyone listens closely...

Cindy: It sounds like...

George: More music..? No..!

Alyssa turns her gaze back to Kevin and her eyes widen in fear as she sees him humming to the song Downtown. She jumps up and stumbles backward quickly.

Alyssa: He's turning! NO!

**To Be Continued...**

(Dramatic Music)

_**Author's Note:**__ About Raymond being crazy... uhh yeah... is it just me or is his voice a little on the creepy side? I can just imagine him saying "Believe me. If I started killing people... there'd be none of you left." like that one guy from that one thingy... (shudder)_

_Umm.. yeah.. anyway.. Please review if you can! I'll try and write Part Two and get it up ASAP!_

Your favorite moron,

**ResidentChevy**


	4. SAWHORSE GETS 0WNED!

_**Author's Note:**__ Hooray, the long awaited musical number! Sorry, no special guests. I couldn't seem to fit them in. The layout of the Outbreak scenario made it hard to fit in this last musical number, but hey, it got done. I hope you like this, because I really tried, though I'm not sure it turned out to be the best chapter yet. Meh.._

_**P.S:**__ So we don't jump straight into song this chapter I'll let you know I'm recycling like, 2 lines from the end of last chapter and adding them to the beginning of this one.._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Resident Evil or the characters, or the song Downtown._

**Outbreak: The Musical**

Act I: Outbreak

Scene III: Downtown

Part II

Alyssa jumps up and stumbles backward quickly.

Alyssa: He's turning! NO!

Kevin springs up and begins singing, as the others chime in against their will

Kevin: When you hear moans, and all the undead are roaming, you can always go,

All: Downtown!

They rush down the tunnel and towards the ladder.

Kevin: No time to worry! Up the ladder! Now! Hurry! Safety's there, I know!

All: Downtown!

At the top of the ladder:

Kevin: Holy shit! I can talk freely now! Thank God!

Yoko: Yeah, but the music's still playing.. is the song over?

George: My best guess would be that this is some sort of musical interlude..

Alyssa pushes past George and Kevin...

Alyssa: Who gives a shit? There's a cop over there and a police van! That's my ticket outta this hellhole!

Mark: Don't yah mean OUR ticket outta this hellhole?

Alyssa: Well, if you can fit your fat ass in the van with all of us, then by all means...

The list of people who want to eviscerate Alyssa then strangle her with her own intestines has now increased by one. But it turned out not to matter, because, sure enough, Mark's fat ass _didn't_ fit in the van along with the others, and he was left behind.

**IN THE VAN:**

Cindy: That was so mean of the author!

Yoko: Well, to be honest, Mark really didn't do anything for the plot..

Jim: Is it time for my token three-some lines yet?

Kevin shrugs.

Kevin: Yeah, why not?

Jim: Word, This outbreak be totally whack, fo' sho! And Yo, check dis' sh-

David: Alright, that's enough.

George: But if I'm correct, that was only two and a half lines...

Kevin: Yeah, but he only gets three per chapter, and he should save one just in case he needs to ask for a first aid spray, or something.

David: Actually I was just getting tired of hearing him talk...

Kevin: Right... anyway... yeah, poor Mark...

Alyssa: Pfft! Whatever, sucks to be him...

Suddenly the music gets louder, and Dorian, the van driver, starts singing

Alyssa: Correction.. Sucks to be us...

Everyone nods in morbid agreement

Dorian: Just listen to the silence, there's no traffic in the city. And look, another road block! Holy crap, your luck is shitty! Get out and walk..

The van, now stopped, unloads it's passengers, after they stock up on weapons, and they head up the stairway, then across the bridge, as David watches the zombies devour two cops, while one chickenshit gets away, he reflects his thoughts out loud..

David: The cops are so useless here..

Cindy: I miss how life was before this,

Kevin: ...and I miss my beer.

Yoko rolls her eyes.

Yoko: Let's go down there,

Show the undead a fight,

Down there

Blow them all up tonight

Then we'll

Find a way outta this town!

(There's a long pause as the song ends)

Alyssa: Fuck that. Let's go back and threaten to kill Dorian with our new weapons if he doesn't drive us out of here.

David: But... what about the sawhorses?

Dorian comes up to greet them.

Dorian: Ahh there you all are.

Alyssa readies her shotgun.

Alyssa: Now you listen here..

Dorian: Guess what? I just realized that I can pick up sawhorses and move them! Who'd-a thunk it?

Cindy: George, maybe, cuz he's so smart... and hot..

George: Oh, Cindy...

They move towards each other, but are interrupted by Yoko.

Yoko: Wait, WAIT, do you mean we can get out of here?

Dorian: Actually, yeah..

Ecstatic, they all hurry back down the stairs and into the van, riding off into the horizon, and the end of the scenario.

Jim: Whooo! We's alive! Raise da roof up in dis biyatch!

Smack

Kevin: That's it, from now on, you only get two lines every chapter!

**To Be Continued... (But then again, so was File 2... MUAHAHAHAHA!)**

_Anyway, Yes I might continue this, but I'm not sure right now. Not many people seem to care, but meh... If I do, I hope you loyal readers will stick by this story with reviews and stuff, you know? Give me a reason to write more? Oh well, til next time_

Your favorite moron,

**ResidentChevy**


End file.
